There was no believe in God for half of my life…When I was about 12, I confessed the priest that I loved my mother more than God, and he made me pray 12 Lord's Prayer!. I was fearing loving my mother more than God could be a sin, and he did not deny or explain to me why it shouldn’t be. So I decided this man and all alike where just true idiots. And God just an invention that didn’t fit me, but only poor minds that need something to hold on…
I kept living…really living intensely…from being the ugly duckling always, to be an interesting charming young teenager…Being the ugly duckling has been a real advantage, allowing me to concentrate in what’s important in live, to concentrate in the inner…
I have never let anything happen around me that wouldn’t leave a trace in me. I felt in love with John when I was 17. He had the ability to make me laugh most of the time. We spent 4 or 5 years together. Wonderful years of sharing, learning and loving. We broke up friendly, and then, I went on a traineeship to Istanbul, for a complete year (1994 I think).
It is there that I remember myself for the first time, at nights, before sleeping, talking to “somebodyouthere”, whispering, telling my own thoughts, wishes, memories…in the dark of the night.
Did that “somebodyouthere” liked me so much that speeded up my life after that? Or was it just to happen as it did?. Could it have been the first contact I had with a sufi that introduced the changes from then on? That contact impressed me, but did not make me think at all of God. Only made me think of extraordinary people…
I kept living…really living intensely…from being the ugly duckling always, to be an interesting charming young teenager…Being the ugly duckling has been a real advantage, allowing me to concentrate in what’s important in live, to concentrate in the inner…
I have never let anything happen around me that wouldn’t leave a trace in me. I felt in love with John when I was 17. He had the ability to make me laugh most of the time. We spent 4 or 5 years together. Wonderful years of sharing, learning and loving. We broke up friendly, and then, I went on a traineeship to Istanbul, for a complete year (1994 I think).
It is there that I remember myself for the first time, at nights, before sleeping, talking to “somebodyouthere”, whispering, telling my own thoughts, wishes, memories…in the dark of the night.
Did that “somebodyouthere” liked me so much that speeded up my life after that? Or was it just to happen as it did?. Could it have been the first contact I had with a sufi that introduced the changes from then on? That contact impressed me, but did not make me think at all of God. Only made me think of extraordinary people…
Tel
Thanks for calling by, Tel.
ResponderEliminarGood luck with your 'secret blog'
Your second? language is far better tahn most peoples's mother tongue!
thank you...wish my stomac was always ready to come here and write...it's hard...
ResponderEliminarand thank you again, for i thought I was talking to the emptiness...