RESPONDING TO JEZ

My heart has probably softened along these years, and above all thanks to maternity. You are part of and probably the only one that remains in my life of a magical time I once lived, the starting of the spiritual field opening up ahead of me.

The fact that I introduced you to Zhixing is just a coincidence among others that happened then, a time were I was naturally a soul for life to express itself, nothing to do with the ego I became after David died. That ego was the one that kept you aside for some time. Everything has its time, you know. It’s maturity. I do not mean at all I have evolved, God knows I have gone below consciousness in many ways, and still face great challenges. But you, or me, is not one of them. My heart is, again, sweet towards you. I can only welcome this sweetness. It just happened. Without me taking any part on it.

Yes, I know hard times are coming, in terms of economy, housing, jobs…Sometimes it scares me, and I find myself again blaming Sebastian for the scarcity we currently live in, and the fear of what’s coming, for having the big mortgage, for this and that. I sometimes forget that, right now, we are fine. My kids are lovely, healthy, happy, adorable, simply extraordinary. I am fine, I still have a job. And if there is something I should have learned by now is that nothing, good or bad is guaranteed, and nothing is certain. That future, plans, expectations, estimations…may work, or may not. And it is wasting time and energy paying attention to those in detriment of living the present moment. Right now, writing to you…

In my company, there is the second, and there will be a third soon, collective dismissal process going on. We may even close anytime in months, again, nothing certain. Sebastian has decided to start a new challenge. He closed the company and is now trying to sell all kind of things in Latin America, specifically Venezuela, where there is a lot of money going on around. Hope this time he plays well his role and is lucky, cause I am really tired. My patience with him is paying well for the moment, although I doubt he will ever know or will have the capacity to see what he has received from me. Still, it doesn’t matter. I do not need this so much, the recognition, anymore. I just need peace. The peace I have been able to find inside, I like it being reflected in my life, around my kids, family and friends.

I know pain is part of the whole game of life. I know it will come and go in me, in my kids, in everyone. But, that peace beneath it all, is there, has always been there, hidden behind stupid wanting this and thats.

I myself must thank you, for still being there even when I was not able to respond to you. You have done it really well. I am now able to appreciate it. Congratulations on your 40th birthday. I will follow you soon.

Thank you. It is good, really good, that you are there. Thank YOU.
Love
Raquel